自以为是

until today thn i've realised the truth. i've always let things be the way it is. &after what you've said, i guess i dont even belong with you guys. Everytime i organise something it always fails. &i wont put the blame on anyone. &i just tell myself its alright. so many things have been happening. you can say that now that this thing is happening i decide to create another problem. i dont care. Think about it la. How many times have you all gone out without me? Out of these outings, how many have you included me? once, twice or thrice? Srsly, i dont care anymore. &when i try to get you all to come out. this excuse that excuse. okay, i dont care. What's a clique for? Isn't it suppose to be a group of GOOD friends? Maybe i was too slow to realise that i was nvr in the good category.
Sometimes, you should have your share of 自知之明。  So now everything is my fault. I know its my fault for making __ feel like im using you. &im really sorry. But idk how to tell__ that im sorry. I'm afraid that after i say sorry, i might do the same thing all over again and make __ feel like im using you. Sometimes i just wished that i was a person without emotions so that i wouldnt feel so horrible after hurting you, you or you. I know it when i hurt you. But do you know it when im crying my heart out? You told me i wouldnt cry so easily. But it was just because you dont know about the times that im crying. Sometimes i just feel like breaking down in public. But i've to keep it all to myself. 即使让石头越沉越深，也告诉自己是自己的错。All i always do is cry in bed and tell myself everything is fine after that. Even if its not my fault, i still let myself take the blame and all you do is 自以为自己永远都是对的。I always tell myself is i 活该。& i am trying to live with it. I want everyone to feel happy even if its wronging myself, especially towards you. but it seems like everything has really become my fault. i am really tired of ruining your mood always. But after all this, i'll be fine again & i wont feel anything anymore. Its alright. i guess. After all this, i still let things continue the way it is. I guess, im a lousy friend, lousy girlf & lousy at every other thing that you can name. But this only applies to those who are my friends.
&for those that i dont like. ___ & ___ please look into the mirror and ask yourself why i dislike you. Im not talking about looks at that. I srsly dont give a dam about how you look.
Not everything is my fault. Now its like you're nvr the one starting all the quarrels and you're the patient and tolerant one. I dont want you to say its your fault. But everytime i tell you sorry la, my fault. What do you reply? Its also nvm lah, its okay.You expect so much from me, you want me to tell you everything, but what about you?! Dont you think i expect the same thing from you too? You're upset over everything that i do. I go out you also upset. You're restricting me. I dont want to ruin our relationship by telling you all this. If you ever see this. I dont really care, Because this is what im feeling.