broken.

Starting next week school is official. I so need my sleep la :D I will try to study more :D But i wna be happy everyday :D that's my goal. (:

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I just came back from cell :D Grace was today's topic. But now im home. He felt like a tiko lo. So scary to stand beside him. I wanted so much for the bus to come faster. Dollhouse by Priscilla Renea so describes how i'm feeling right now lo.

I'm just a girl, you're just a boy

This is my heart, it's not a toy
So what's with you playing with my mind?
We used to be cool, this used to be love
Now it's become something like a job
Like it or not, maybe things were changing
Right before our eyes
I tried to be your picture perfect girl
But you were in your own fantasy world
Tryna control me like some kind of Barbie
But that just ain't me
'Cause I ain't a doll
This ain't a dollhouse
You're way too old to be
Putting me down like this
And playing around like this
I ain't a doll
This ain't a dollhouse
No I could never be
Stuck living life like this
Behind these four walls
I ain't a doll
You called the shots right down to my shoes
I liked what you liked 'cause you told me to
And I don't think that you could even tell
I fell out of love but it never showed
I gave up on us so long ago
But you'll never know
Baby don't pretend like you know me so well
I tried to be your picture perfect girl
But you were in your own fantasy world
Tryna control me like some kind of Barbie
But that just ain't me I ain't a doll

This ain't a dollhouse
You're way too old to be
Putting me down like this
And playing around like this
I ain't a doll
This ain't a dollhouse
No I could never be
Stuck living life like this
Behind these four walls
I ain't a doll
I'll never be made of plastic
So glad that my heart's elastic
No matter what you do
I'll bounce back off of you
Cut me but Im not bleeding
I tried to be your picture perfect girl
But you were in your own fantasy world
Tryna control me like some kind of Barbie
But that just ain't me
I ain't a doll
This ain't a dollhouse
You're way too old to be
Putting me down like this
And playing around like this
I ain't a doll
This ain't a dollhouse
No I could never be
Stuck living life like this
Behind these four walls
I ain't a doll
And I come with imperfections
Epitome of perfection
If you can't understand
Loving the way I am
Then you're no good for me
So glad I kept my receipt
You tell me if i dont like thn just tell you. But by telling you, will it change anything? Will it change your mind? Will it stop you from disappointing me? No. It wont change anything. Telling you what i dislike has no purpose. It defeats all purpose of telling you. By telling you, changes are expected. But i know you wont change. For my sake, what exactly would you do? I bet, it isn't change. You just keep disappointing me. Keep hurting me. I always vent my frustrations by crying. But you'll nvr know when i cry & why. You're insensitive.Sometimes, it feels like you're just lying to make me happy. So that i wouldn't think so much. You know smth? Whatever i feel for you is fading because of the way you are. The way you tell me i am first, but in actual fact you put everything before me. You aren't in that competition. But you went anyway, giving up the only chance that you could see me for this week. Spoiling my mood for the whole week. I worry for you, but you asked, you will worry meh? I miss you till i cry, i worry till i cry. But do you know. When i try to tell you how i feel you get upset. Because you misunderstand me. I always apologise for hurting you. I know when i hurt you. But you hurt me unknowingly. Sometimes i feel unhappy, but you never hear that tinge of sadness in my voice. Is it because you're insensitive or you cant be bothered? i really wonder. Now that i am tired of crying, I am just going to force myself not to care about anything even though i do. I'm just gna tell myself I should start putting myself first. For the first time, i am going to be self-centred. I am starting to wonder, are the things you said really from the bottom of your heart? Or you just said it because you are supposed to? I wonder. But its okay. I am just gna live my life the way i want it to be. The way it has been planned.